


Waiting.

by gwenever



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blue Mountains | Ered Luin, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Mother-Son Relationship, Post-Smaug, Sad, father dwalin, kiliisnotvilisson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28478220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwenever/pseuds/gwenever
Summary: Dwalin goes to Dìs’s home during the night to discuss the secret that corrupted their hearts for too long. A reality that could change too much in their lives and not only in theirs.
Relationships: Dís/Dwalin (Tolkien)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I wrote for the challenge hosted by band–psycho on tumblr for her 1k subs reach. The character was Dwalin from the Hobbit, the genre was angst and the sentence she gave me was “ Don’t act like I didn’t fight for you, I did. Hard. For a long time. So please, forgive me if I’m exhausted now." This could also become a serie, but i have to think about it. I hope ya all will enjoy this <3

It was not the first time that Dwalin, driven by irritation and the need to stay close to Dìs, walked down that street, going to her house, completely ignoring the prohibition of being seen: he went out at night, when everyone was asleep when among the cavernous and oppressive corridors of Nogrod’s halls there was nothing but silence and the only lights on were those of fireflies that in the harsh cold of winter found shelter in those caves.

He would run through the corridors always arriving in front of the same door at the same time, sometimes staring at it for long minutes, unable even to knock but even unable to leave.

The princess’s attempts to keep him away had always proved useless, but as Dwalin now claimed: “This is not about us, but about Kili”. Dwalin howled, pointing his finger to the half-open curtain that led to the bedroom’s area of the modest dwelling.

“Stop coming here, Dwalin! You are no longer welcome and I don’t want you to have anything to do with my son!” Dìs growled when that name left the lips of the warrior.

“You know how I think about it. Kili should know it, as well as all the others and we can-” Dwalin began struggling to hold back the irritation by clenching both fists and bringing them along his hips starting to breath heavily. “You should tell him! You should give me permission to tell him!”

“Tell him? Tell him what?!” Dìs shouted exasperatedly, turning for a single time behind her back glancing towards the door of Fili and Kili’s bedroom, making sure they were both still asleep before shifting her attention back to the dwarf. “That he is not Vili’s son like his brother but the result of a moment of weakness of mine?” She was angry again, struggling to hide the shame she still felt, that after those years she still felt.

Dwalin took the blow but could not hold back: with a couple of quick steps he moved forward grabbing her shoulders with both hands, forcing Dìs to look him straight in the eyes

“What happened between us cannot be changed, but Kili deserves to know the truth and not to have a life of lies…”.

He pronounced those words with an almost unnatural calm, hoping to make her think and push her to make the right choice.

“It’s only fair that Kili should know who his father is!"He added, trying not to scream, but the tone came out loud, however, rumbling on the walls of the kitchen and making the flames of the candles on the windows next to them tremble.

"Don’t you dare tell me what is right or wrong!” Shouted Dìs and with a violent gesture, she struggled her shoulders against his grip and moved away, walking back towards the wall wooden counter, loosening up from him, as he had always done with her. “You… You… you don’t know anything about us! About my family! You’ve never been there!”

Dwalin shook his head with one hand on his face, rubbing his beard tirelessly. “I would be present! I could be a… a good…a good father to both of them.” Replied warrior sincerely.

“Only Durin knows how many times I have heard these words leave your mouth in the past, and at the first opportunity, you turned your back on me! You, Thorin, and your battles…leaving me here with the fear of never seeing you again”.

“I have always returned, as promised. It was you who did not wait for me! It was you who married someone else setting our future on fire!” Dwalin defended himself harshly, wounded by those words.

Dìs gouged out her eyes incredulous about the dwarf’s words.

How he dares, how he dared to tell her that she had not waited for him, she had waited for him all her life.

She had waited for him every single day since she was just a little girl: she had waited for him every evening while he trained with her brother just to greet him, she had waited for him when he left for his first expedition in the Wilds and he had been gone for months, she had waited for him when Smaug arrived and there was no trace of him for days making her believe he had died in that hell, she waited for him when they arrived in the Blue Mountains and he didn’t show up for months. She waited for him every time, every time he left, she waited for him like the stupid little girl in love she always was. And everytime he told her that he would come back to her, yet as soon as he came back, he left again!

She approached Dwalin again and regardless of his size she pushed him with both hands on his chest with all the strength she had in her body. “I have always waited for you! But in the end, I chose the security that Vili was able to give me and not a life of empty promises made by someone who cannot give up the battle!” She then tried to recover some of that demeanour that she had lost in that moment but failed, shouting out all her pain. “I was once willing to accept a life with you! I wanted a life with you!” She screamed at him again, pushing him again. “You have left me alone! You promised me, you promised me that after Moria you would have stayed with me! Instead you have gone away again! After I had lost everything, you left! What was between us now no longer exists!”.

Dwalin was quick before she could give him yet another push, he grabbed both of her wrists squeezing them tight. With force he gave her a jolt, bringing her close to his face, staring his own angry reflection in her crystal blue eyes. “So Kili doesn’t exist?” Roared that close to her face that he could feel her soft breath on his lips.

Dìs’s eyes spread. “He might not be your son…” She whispered looking straight into Dwalin’s burning ones moving her neck backwards. Unable to hold Dwalin’s eyes a second longer she slowly pointed them toward the ground, feeling ashamed as a thief.

“You are lying. You lie and you know it. You know it as much as I do!” Replied the Dwarf, shaking her once again forcing her to look up to him again. “For Durin’s sake! You know very well what the truth is! You know what happened that night!”

Yes. That night.

With the mourning for the tragic death of Vili in an attack by orcs and Fili who, unaware of everything, continued to wait for him, hopefully, watching day and night outside the window, waiting to see him pass by, she made the biggest mistake she could have ever made.

She was devastated, that much that, right on the kitchen table in front of her, kitchen table, she had let herself go, venting all her pain on Dwalin. She had gone with Dwalin in search of that need for love, warmth and affection, and that excruciating pain had turned into a desire, into a yearning for the dwarf that she had loved all her life and that she had lost every time.

She cried that night, she remembered that. She cried while making love with for all the time. Every tear was mixed with her moans. Dwalin had gathered them all with his lips, as he took her as he made her his own with the same passion, with the same desire with which he had made her his for the first time.

That first time she had broken every tradition and rule by giving herself to him. When she was just a young dwarven-maiden in love and desperate.

She had sneaked into his tent under the pressing rain under the roots of the Azanulbizar plain, begging him not to go, not to do it, for her, for them. But then among the sobbing she had begged him to make love to her, to make her his, and only his, because if he would have died, of he would have left her alone in that world she had to know, she had to know how would it be to lay in his arms, just once. And they did it, all night long, until dawn came and he went away again, leaving her again, but that was the first and last time. Until _that_ night full of desire in which they conceived the little Kili, in which he said that they had conceived little Kili, in which she believed that…no!

Dìs shook her head to ward off those thoughts. She shook the warrior again pulling back her wrists and gathered in an icy and determined look all her determination.

“Go away.” She murmured with detachment trying to cover the cruel truth that Dwalin was in every way trying to bring to light.

“Dìs…” Murmured the Dwarf.

“I said go away!” She repeated aggressively bringing both hands towards her chest, holding them in each other at the height of her heart in search of the courage she lacked to say those last words. “And don’t come back, go away and don’t come back anymore.”

Dwalin felt his heartbreak in the chest, a weakness, a pain so acute that it was difficult for him to hide, but he did it, as always.

He let go by lowering his head as a sign of surrender. “Forgive me, Princess, I didn’t mean any disrespect…”. He murmured, making a slight bow and, without waiting for permission to leave he turned his back unable to stay, unable to look at her without doing something foolish that he would have bitterly regret later.

He walked towards the door of the house, dragging his feet with difficulty, not daring to turn around even once, not daring to stop even for a step, but as soon as he reached out his hand towards the handle a voice blocked it, a voice that dented his care as hard as stone making him tremble from head to toe.

“A-mad…”. The dwarf maiden was called by a sleepy little Kili as he rubbed his eye with the edge of the long sleeve of his nightgown.

Dìs to the sound of the little voice took the hands off her chest jerking and in less than an instant she softened her gaze bending towards him. “Kili, what are you doing up so late go back to sleep.” She told him, hiding as much as she could her astonishment in the face of the situation, trying with all herself not to make any impression on little Kili.

Dwalin could not move, he could not breathe, he could not turn around, not even by mistake: he had to stare at the door or he would never leave, he knew it.

“W-what is Mr. Dwalin dwoing here a-mad?” He asked her in a voice mixed with sleep.

Dìs bit her lip sketching a small smile and moved a single rebel tuft away from his youngest son’s forehead. “He came to tell me something about uncle Thorin, he was about to leave.” Shee explained, struggling not to let her voice crack.

“But it’s n-night, it'ss cold, can’t he sweep here? I’ll leave him my bwed if he wants, I’ll sleep with bwig bwother.”

“No Kili, I can’t, but thank you.” Dwalin murmured single-stringed, barely turning his head backwards, but he kept looking at the cold grey marble floor.

The princess, on the other hand, could not stop looking at him, not looking at his hug shoulders covered in thick chain mail or staring at his silhouette drawn in the picture of the door and thinking how many times he had watched that back leaving that door. And now she had the chance to make him turn around, she could make him stay with just one more sentence, but she would have to pay a too high a price, a price she was no longer willing to pay.

She looked away and without delay took Kili in her arms, holding him to her chest. “C'mon little soldier it’s time to go to bed.” She encouraged him by leaving a small kiss on his forehead, moving the curtain with a free hand ready to bring him back to bed.

Kili, however, could not remove his eyes beyond his mother’s shovel, looking enchanted at the huge and immense warrior at his door and as he went further and further away.

He took off his hand that he had just put in his mouth and stretched it over his mother’s shoulder swaying it. “Bywe Mr. Dwalin, gwood night. You can come and sweep here whe-whe-ehwer you want.” He shouted enthusiastic the last phrase not knowing that he had broken two hearts at the same time.

The warrior couldn’t stand it anymore and turned his head over his shoulder looking at little Kili showing him not only a small smile but also a single shining tear. “Good night… Kili.” He barely whispered in a stout voice.

And with those last words he walked away from the house, leaving behind lies and truths, broken promises and a son that would never be his.

A son who was his, who was always his and would always be his.

When the door closed behind her, with an automatic gesture Dìs held Kili even more tightly in her arms and let her nose go through his thick hair, as thick as hers, but indomitable as those of the dwarf who she would never stop loving, of the dwarf who would always own her heart, of the dwarf who had made her alive, like those of his father.

Like those of Dwalin.


End file.
